Writers, It’s Time to Stop the Self-Torture
Take a twirl through many writing groups, online forums, or the corners of social media where writers hang out and you’ll start stumbling on post after post that bemoans how hard writing is, how the act of putting words on paper and trying to sell them sucks our souls dry, and how the average writer will never be able to attain their desired author life. We tally rejections, post witty cartoons of tortured writers, and wear our tears and emotions like doubt, fear, anxiety, disappointment, and discouragement like badges around our necks.
Perhaps that’s not too surprising. After all, creative work has long had stereotypes of the starving artist, tortured artist, and the moody, emotional artist. And while we might talk about these a little differently than people did a hundred years ago, they still persist.
In fact, for many writers, these stereotypes and the beliefs that writing has to be hard and messy and full of moody emotion become a sign that they are doing things right. Feel like you’re not good enough to be a writer? Ding! Agonize for hours over a sentence only to delete the whole paragraph (and then share the agony on twitter)? Ding! Want to quit writing (again) after the last in the series of rejections? Ding! Ding! Ding! You’re a real writer!
It seems like the easiest way to prove to ourselves that we are really writers and that we have some worth as a writer is if we can prove how hard and agonizing it was.
Now, I’m not suggesting that writing is always easy or that we should never feel the sting of rejection or doubt. But, too many of us, for too long, get stuck in the negative, self-torture patterns. The negative emotions, the “writing is hard", the feeling of never being able to achieve what we want no matter how hard we try fill our writing lives. Instead of short blips on the screen, half or more of our writing lives become about feeling stuck, not good enough, or like you’re never going to get “there.”
And, we wear those thoughts and emotions like badges. We cling to them because we think that they signal to the world (and ourselves) that we’re “real” writers. We use them because we’re not sure that we’re worthy or good enough.
Why does this matter?
Writing Doesn’t Have to Be Hard and Miserable
If you are constantly reminding yourself and others about how hard and miserable writing is, your brain is going to help you make writing hard and miserable. That’s what brains do. It’s going to take those thoughts and emotions and double down on them. It’s going to help you get in your own way so that writing stays hard and miserable.
Think about how often you hear variations of writing is hard and miserable. How often do you do it? I’m guilty of doing it, too. We’ve been so conditioned that this is what creative work is that we often miss the alternatives. Oh, we may mention good writing days, but we often follow them up with descriptions of the bad days.
If you keep the loop going, those negative emotions and limiting beliefs become the norm. Not only for ourselves, but also as we perpetuate the stereotypes to others. And our brains are going to do all they can to keep us there.
Negativity Makes You Less Productive
I’m just going to let this one sit there for a minute.
Yup, all of those negative emotions and thoughts that we wave around because we’ve been conditioned to believe that they make us “real” writers or worthy of something—they can make you less productive and less likely to achieve those goals you want (books, money, awards, etc.)
I get it. We’ve heard about the tortured artist for so long that we think being miserable heightens our work, makes us more creative. Research says it isn’t this simple. Sure, negative emotions can spur ideas, but they can also lower our productivity. Pain can inspire us, but so can joy and curiosity. If we’re stuck in the negative, we’re missing out on the connections, inspiration, and motivation that positive emotions can bring. Brining more positive emotions into your writing life can also help reduce burnout and keep you writing.
Try bringing more positive emotions and thoughts in and see how they influence your writing life. Focus on flow and ease for a while and see if writing gets easier.
Writing Emotions Spill Over
If your writing life is filled with negative emotions and limiting beliefs, it’s probably not going to stay within the confines of writing. As much as I see writers championing others toward better mental health, we don’t always do such a great job of it ourselves.
Whatever emotions we harbor in our writing life, they will spill over into other parts of our lives, just like those other parts affect and spill over into our writing lives.
As we move into 2022, maybe it’s time that we stop creating a “writing is hard” culture. Maybe it’s time to ask “how can we help” when the next aspiring writer says that they want to earn six figures a year and write full-time. Maybe it’s time to celebrate writing with curiosity and gratitude. Maybe it’s time that we prioritize the mental health of writers and we end making “miserable” the default position that a writer has to be in to feel like they are worthy or good enough.
